The Importance and Method of Educating and Raising Children

Q: Ilm-54: How important is it to educate one's children? How should they be brought up so that the teachings of Islaam may be entrenched into their hearts and minds from childhood? Please explain in the light of the Qur'aan and Ahadeeth.

Answer: An Arabic poet said: "The orphan is not one whose father has passed away, but the orphan is one who has been deprived of education and good manners." The true orphan is therefore one who may have both parents. but has not been encouraged to perform salaah, recite Qur'aan, attend Madrassah and had no respect for his elders. It is the responsibility of the parents to ensure that their children learn the Qur'aan and other Islaamic subjets. Whoever does not see to this is depriving his children of the good of this world as well as the Aakhirah.

On the Day of Qiyaamah, a father will asked about what education he gave his child and about what manners he taught him. The Qur'aan entreats people saying, "O you who? have lmaan! Save yourselves and your family from the fire of Jahannam, the fuel' of which is people and stones.

Hadhrat Moulana Mufti Muhammad Shafee RAH. says in his Tafseer of the verse that the word "family" includes al of one's household, even one's servants, when this verse? was revealed, Hadhrat Umar RADI. Asked Rasulullaah SAW. can understand how to save myself from Jahannam, but how do I save my family from Jahannam?" Rasulullaah SAW. replied' "By stopping them from doing all things that you have been forbidden from and by instructing them to do all the things you have been commanded to do.

The Fuqahaa have deduced from this verse that it is Fardh (obligatory) for evcery person to teach his wife and children the Faraa'idh of the shari'ah and what is Halaal and Haraam and to ensure that they practice accordingly some scholars have stated that the person who will be most severely punished on the Day of Qiyaamah will? be the one who kept his family ignorant of the Deen.

Educating one's family is therefore extremely important because children are a great trust from Allaah. It is necessary for a man to mam/ a chaste and pious woman so that his children can be pious and righteous. Similarly, parents should ensure that they marry their daughters only to men who are chaste and righteous.

After marriage, it is necessary to ensure that the husband earns Halaal wealth. Furthermore, the woman must not eat or drink anything Haraam or doubtful when she is expecting and also keep her thoughts pure during this time together with practicing on the shari'ah' In this manner' the unborn child will also be well influenced and turn out righteous.

It is also necessary for the couple to recite the following du'aa when cohabiting:

BISMILLAHI ALLAHUMMA JANNAB NASHAYTON? WA JANNABSHAYTAAN MAA RAZAQ TANA

?O Allaah! Keep shaytaan away from us and away from the offspring You bless us with.

At the time of ejaculation, the following du'aa should be recited:

ALLAHUMMA LAA TAJALSHAYTAAN FEEMA RAZAQTANA NASIBA

"O Allaah! Do not grant Shaytaan any share in the offspring you bless us with.

These du'aa should be read every time intercourse takes place.

Once the child is born. bath him and call out the Adhaan in the right ear and the Iqaamah in the left ear and then have the Tahneek done. Tahneek means that the child should be taken to a pious person who will make du?aa for him and then chew on a piece of a date or any other sweet thing of this date or sweet food must then be placed on the child's palate. It is best if this is the first food in the child's stomach. The sahabah RADI. used to take their children to Rasulullaah SAW. for Tahneek.

As a form of gratitude, some sweets may be given and then on the seventh day, a goat/sheep will be slaughtered for a girl and two for a boy. The head will also be shaved and its weight in silver given as sadaqah to the poor. Some saffron may be put on the child's head (but not so much that will harm the child) and the name

should be kept.

Hadhrat Samura bin Jundub RADI. narrates that Rasulullaah SAW. Said, "Every child is a pawn placed as security against the Aqeeqah which is to be performed for it on the seventh day when the name is also kept and the hair shaved off.

Another Hadith states, "whoever has a child should keep a good name and teach the child good manners." Rasulullaah SAW. said that the names Allaah loves most are Abdullaah and Abdur Rahmaan. Rasulullaah SAW. also advised Muslims to keep for their children the names of the Ambiyaa ALY.

The trend nowadays is to keep new names. whereas these cannot at all compare with the names of the Ambiyaa ALY. the Sahabah RADI. And the pious predecessors. Names also affect personality of a person and when the names of pious people are kept, the children also turn out pious, when the child starts to speak, -the first words he should be taught is the name of Allaah and the Kalimah. Hadhrat Haleemah sa'diyyah RADI. Reports that the first words that Rasulullaah SAW. spoke after he was weaned

off milk were:

It is therefore excellent to teach these words to our little children as well. They should then be taught Islaamic mannerisms because this is the best gift we can possibly give them. Rasulullaah SAW. said that the best gift a father can give his son is to teach him good manners.

Hadhrat Jaabir bin Samurah RADI. narrates that Rasulullaah SAW. said, "For a man to teach good manners to his child is better than spending a Saa (3.5kg of grain) in Sadaqah." How generous is Allaah to reward a person even for this.

This means that the parents will be rewarded more than spending in Sadaqah for teaching the child something like reciting Bismillaah before eating. Therefore, they will also be rewarded for teaching the child to sit and eat, to wash the hands before eating, to pick up and eat food that falls out of the plate, to make Salaam with people, not to backchat, etc, etc.

An effort must be made for every home to have an Islaamic environment. with everything being done according to the Shari'ah and the Sunnah of Rasulullaah SAW. It is regrettable that people nowadays prefer to follow the ways of the Kuffaar. This is especially common with those who have studied secular knowledge. The children are dressed like the Kuffaar and even taught to use greeting like 'good morning' and 'good night'. It is noticed that children attending nursery schools are especially indoctrinated into behaving like the Kuffaar.

Muslims ought to take heed to this and make an effort to change the situation and make not only their households Islaamic, but those of other Muslims in the neighbourhood as well.

The mind of a child is clear and impressionable and they will learn whatever is taught to them. If they are taught the lslaamic way, they will Inshaa Allaah become good Muslims and if they are taught the Kuffaar way, they will be inclined to the Kuffaar way of life. It is for this reason that parents bear the full responsibility for the behaviour of their children.

A Hadith states, "Every child is born on Fitrah (the natural inclination to follow and practise Islaam). It is the parents who make the child into either a Jew, a Christian or a fire-worshipper. We will therefore have to forsake the ways of the Kuffaar in our own lives if we wish to save our children from Jahannam. We must make our lives at home conform with the Sunnah of Rasulullaah SAW. and ensure that salaah is performed in our homes and the Qur'aan is recited regularly. To put is bluntly, we must remove the television and videos from your homes because it is sad to note that the music and dancing that Rasulullaah SAW. came to eliminate from the world has now come right into our very homes. Television and videos are so toxic that even good upbringing will have no effect on children as long as these evils are present in the home. These banes have robbed Muslims of all modesty. How despicable it is to note that father, mother, sons and daughters all sit around the Tv and watch obscene acts of immorality! How-can any modesty develop in children when they are exposed to ail of this from a young age? May Allaah grant us the ability to

understand. Aameen.

The gist of it all is that educating children in Deen and developing an Islaamic environment at home is absolutely vital. Rather than teaching the children the terminologies and expressions of the Kuffaar, teach them the du'aas that Rasulullaah SAW. taught for various occasions. If they get onto the habit of reciting these from a young age, it will become second nature for them when they grow up.

Ulema have written several books containing the various du'aas. Here we will mention a few that parents should also learn if they do not know them. If the family get habituated to reciting them, it will be a great source of blessing for all of the family.

WHEN STARTING TO EAT

BISMILLAAHI WA? ALAA BARKAT ILLAAH.

In the name of Allah and upon the blessings of Allah.

IF FORGOTTEN TO RECITE BISMILLAAH AT THE BEGINNING, RECITE THE FOLLOWING DU'AA WHEN YOU REMEMBER

BISMMILLAAHI AWWAL HU WA? AAKHIRHU.

In the name of Allaah at the beginning and at the end

AFTER EATING

ALHMDULILLAAHILLDHI ATOAMANA WASAQAANA WAJA ALANAAMINAL MUSLIMIN

All praises are due to Allah who fed us and gave us (liquids) to drink and made us Muslims.

AFTER EATING AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE

ALLAHUMMA ATTIM MAN ATA AMANI? WASQEE MAN SAQAANI.

?O Allaah Feed those who have fed me and give drink to those who have given me to drink"

WHEN WEARING CLOTHES

(see on page no. 523 in FATAAWA RAHIMIYYAH)

All praise be to Allah who clothed me with that through which I cover my shame and through which I adorn myself in my life.

WHEN GOING TO SLEEP

ALLAHUMMA QEENI ADHABAK YAWM TAB?ATHU IBAADAK.

O Allaah! Save me from your punishment on the day when You resurrect Your servants

ALLAHUMMA BI?ISMIK AMUTU WA?AAHIYA.

O Allaah! It is with Your name that I die and then come back to life again

WHEN WAKING UP

ALHAMDULILLAHIL LADHI AHYANA BAA DAMA AMMATANA WAILYHINNUSHUR.

All praise is due to Allah who has given us life after death (sleep) And to Him is raising up (on the Day of Qiyaamah)

WHEN ENTERING THE TOILET

ALLAHUMMA INNI A?UDHUBIK MINAL KHUBUTHI WAL KHABAAITH.

O Allah, I seek protection in You from the male and female devil.

WHEN LEAVING THE TOILET

GUFRAANAK ALHADULILLAAHILLADHI ADHA HABA ANNIL ADHA WAFAANEE.

I seek your pardon. All praises are due to Allah who has taken away from me discomfort and granted me relief.

WHEN ENTERING THE HOUSE

(du?aa on pg. 524. In fatawaa Rahimmiyyah.)

O Allah, I ask You the blessing' of entering the home and the blessing of leaving the home. With the name of Allah do we enter and with the name" of Allah do we leave, And upon our Sustainer, Allah, do we rely.

WHEN LEAVING THE HOUSE

BISMILLAAHI TAWAKKALTU ALALLAHI WALAAHWAL WALAKUWWATA ILLAA BILLAH.

I leave in the name of Allah; I place my trust in Allah. And there is no power nor might except with Allah.

WHEN ENTERING THE MASJID

ALLAHUMMAF?TAHLI ABWAABA RAHMATIK.

O Allah, open for me the doors of Your mercy'

WHEN LEAVING THE MASJID

ALLAHUMMA INNI ASALUK MIN FADLIK.

O Allah, verily, I seek from you your bounty.

WHEN SOMEONE DOES YOU GOOD

JAZAAKALLAAHU KHAYR.

May Allaah reward you well

WHEN You SNEEZE, say ALHAMDULILLAAH (All praise belongs to Allaah)

WHEN SOMEONE HEARS YOU SAY alhamdulillaah. AFTER YOU SNEEZE, HE

SHOULD SAY: yarhamukullaah. (May Allaah have mercy on you)

THEREAFTER, You SHOULD SAY:

YAHDIKUMULLAAHU WA?YUSLIHU BAALAKUM. (May Allaah guide you and set all your affairs right)

WHEN VISITING A SICK PERSON, SAY:

(Du?aa on page.525. Fatawaa Rahimiyyah.)

Do not worry, it is a means of purification if Allaah wills

THEN RECITE THE FOLLOWING DU'AA SEVEN TIMES:

Du?aa on page.no 525. Fataawa Rahimiyyah.

I beseech the Great Allaah, the Rabb of the Great Throne to cure you.

DU?AA FOR THE MORNING

(du?aa on page no.525. Fataawa Rahimiyya)

O Allah, with Your help have I started the day and with your help have I started the evening, with your help do we live and die and to You is our raising.

DU?AA FOR THE EVENING

(on page no. 526 Fataawa Rahimiyya)

O Allah, with your help have r started the day and with your help have I started the evening, with your help do we rive and die and to You is our raising.

DU'AAS TO BE RECITED MORNING AND EVENING

(on page no. 526 Fataawa Rahimiyyah)

In the name of Allaah with Whose name nothing in the heavens and the earth can cause any harm. He is the All Hearing in Knowing.

(If this du'aa is recited thrice morning and evening, Allaah will protect one from all calamities)

(du?aa on page no. 526 Fitaawa Rahimiyya)

I am pleased with Allaah as my Rabb, with Islaam as my religion, with Muhammad SAW. as my Nabi, SAW. the Qur'aan as my leader and with the Kabah as my Qibla.

(Reciting this du'aa morning and evening will secure protection from punishment in the grave, Inshaa Allaah)

RECITE THE FOLLOWING DU'AA SEVEN TIMES AFTER THE FAJR AND MAGHRIB SAI AAHS AND IF YOU HAPPEN TO DIE, YOU WLL BE SAVED FROM JAHANNAM.

ALLAHMAA AJIRNI MINANNAAR.

O Allaah Save me from the fire of Jahannam

One must also get into the habit of reciting surah Ikhlaas, surah Falaq and Surah Naas thrice every morning an evening.

THE DU'AA FOR BOARDING A CONVEYANCE

SUBHAANALLADHI SAKHKHARA LANAA HAADHA WAMAAKUNNA LAHU MUKRININ WA?INNA ILAA RABBINA LAMUN KALIBUN.

Glory be to Him who has caused this vehicle to be under our control though we were unable to control it Surely, we will return to our Lord.

These du'aas have been quoted just as examples. Rather than having children waste their time running around, keep them at home and teach them these du?aas with love. Tell them good stories by which their love for Islaam will grow and which will encourage them to make sacrifices for the Deen.

I shall now present some valuable advices given by Hadhrat Moulana Muhammad Taqi Uthmaani DAMAT BARKAATUH.

PERSONAL DEEDS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT FOR SALVATION:

The verse, ?O you who have Imaan! save yourselves and your families from the fire of Jahannam" makes it clear that it is not enough just to save oneself from Jahannam and then rest assured. It is one's duty to ensure that one's family are also saved from Jahannam. It is unfortunate to see nowadays that here are many people who are very particular about the tenets of Deen. They perform salaah in the first saff, fast regularly, pay zakaah and do many other devotions. However, when you look at their wives and children, you see very contrasting picture. They are seen to be flowing with the floods of sin and have no concern for even the Fardh (obligatory) acts of Deen. Despite this, the man will be seen in the first saff without a worry, least realising that a person can never attain salvation until he has a concern to save his family from Jahannam as well. No man can say that he can do nothing about his family choosing to go in another direction because it is his duty to ensure that they bring the Deen into their lives. If he fails in this duty, he will be answerable on the Day of Qiyaamah.

PEOPLE TODAY CONCERN THEMSELVES WITH EVERYTHING OTHER THAN DEEN

It is incorrect to cite the example of Hadhrat Nooh ALY.'s son who remained a Kaafir and whom Hadhrat Nooh ALY. could not save from Jahannam. Hadhrat Nooh ALY. cannot be held accountable in this case because he had gone to great pains to guide his son. Our mere telling our children once or twice and then forgetting the issue can by no means be compared to his tireless efforts. We must actually make such an attempt to save them from Jahannam just as we would make to save them from fire in this world. If we do not do this, then we are not fulfilling our responsibility. The emphasis today is on secular education and on worldly status, for which we go to

extreme lengths to secure the well-being of our children.

I had an acquaintance who was highly educated but also very religious and regular with his Tahajjud salaah. He gave his son secular education and the boy eventually graduated and found a good job. In happiness, the father one day said, Mashaa Allaah! My son has progressed so far. He now has a good job and is an important person.

Although he has become somewhat irreligious, but he has an excellent career."

This statement tells us how little value people have for the Deen. And this comes from someone who is supposed to be a religious person.

THE NEW GENERATION

Today we are concerned with everything except our Deen. Dear brother, if the Deen is such an insignificant thing, why take the trouble to go to the Masjid for salaah and perform Tahajjud salaah? You had made your career just as your son has, but have never been concerned to teach him the Deen. You send your child to nursery where they will learn about cats and dogs but not about the name of Allaah. We have thus raised a generation that will soon be taking the reins of our countries. They were born into schools and colleges and had never been made worthy of reciting the Qur'aan. You will scarcely find anyone nowadays who can recite the Qur'aan properly or who can perform salaah properly..

Rasulullaah SAW. said, "Instruct your children to perform salaah when they are seven years old and, when they are ten, punish them for it and also separate their beds. Children must therefore be sent to primary Madrassahs where they are taught to recite the Qur'aan with Tajweed and where they also learn the injunctions of purity, salaah, beliefs and other aspects of Deen. At the same time, they must be taught to keep good company and to stay far from bad company.

Sheikh Saadi RAH. said that good company makes a person good and bad company makes him bad. He also says that bad company is worse than a snake because while a snake poses a danger only to life, a bad friend poses a threat to Imaan.

We must therefore keep ourselves in the company of the pious and take our children with us. We should have these pious people make du'aa for our children and also teach out children to always keep the company of such people. Instead of keeping immoral novels and magazines at home, let us rather keep good Deeni books so that they can benefit spiritually by reading them. We must also set time aside to read these books to the family so that an Islaamic environment can be fostered. Another benefit of this is that it attracts Allaah's mercy and brings peace and love in the house.

When dealing with children, we must take their feelings into consideration and never be too strict or too lenient. While sternness is beneficial at appropriate times, so too is leniency. Always keep the guidelines of the pious predecessors in mind. Excellent guidelines are mentioned in Behisti Zewar (Vol.4 Pgs.53-57) and (Vol.10 Pgs.17-20) May Allaah grant all Muslims the ability to practise on what has been mentioned and may He protect the Imaan of all the future generations until the Day of Qiyaamah. Aameen. And Allaah knows best what is most correct.

Fatawa Rahimiyyah vol.1